If you can...

Most days for the last month have felt like 
I was trudging through sludge. 
So many dark emotions and hurts. I felt like God was in the hallway and I was stuck in the room where all of my hurt was held.

I couldn't leave the room. I couldn't return to the God who I love.
I was not living a lie, I was just so bent that I couldn't mend.
As I sit here crying, I will acknowledge that God never left me. 
He never stopped loving me.

I needed to feel the pain.
I needed to know that I was loved.
I needed to know that I was loved by you, God.

I knew the great conversations that so often I was brought into were God showing me that I still mattered. Tonight I saw a friend in a coffee shop. For the past week I had been in the coffee shop every night, so tonight was not very different. But after two hours hanging with her we decided to come back to our dorm and do homework still. After about 10 minutes in the dorm sharing a couch, we threw-up our lives to each other.
It was gross, it was honest, it was so good to not be alone.
To reassure each other that our hurt was valid, that our lives mattered.
That we still loved each other no matter who hurt us.
We have boundaries now and no one can tell us to stop being ourselves.

God brought me out of the pit again, and he will again and again.
I begged God to bring me back, and he said that he never left.
If you can believe it, I want you to know that he never leaves.