I didn't know.

I didn't know that I struggled with wanting perfection. 
I mean, I'm a girl...so it is kind of expected that you will want to be skinny, popular, smart, and pretty.
All at once.

I didn't expect to feel like I was drowning when I realized I was was...all of these. You just want more. More abs, more smiles, more +A's, more more MORE.
I didn't know that once you were content with yourself, you would struggle.

I am content, yet I struggle so much. 

I get indigestion when I have to be around people...
I didn't know I would feel so useless compared to the girls who everyone knew were BETTER.

I didn't know that I would lose friends because I was "too popular".
They don't tell you that. 
Maybe because they wanted you to believe that they were perfect.

As I stand around those of my peers who I believed had it all together, I know that they think the same about me.

But is this all fair?
Is it fair to hold each other to a standard that does not exist?
No, it is not fair.

It is not fair to be dishonest with yourself about who you really are. The good and bad.
It is not fair to pretend that your opinion and leadership are overlooked.
It is not fair to behave like you are meaningless.
It is not fair to struggle, and not accept grace.

So I plan to love in the light of God's infinite love and justice.
Here's how...
1. I will acknowledge that there is not a standard against me and who I really am.
2. I will choose to think thoughts that are honest and fair to myself and others.
3. I will continue to struggle and GROW

Because the struggle is part of the story.
I didn't know that, but now I do.