To Whomever You Might Be - Part 2 of 'Callused'

     In my Humanities classes, the Philosopher Immanuel Kant is always discussed. Kant was a genius and a visionary to say the least! He believed that we should never treat a human as merely a means to an end. For example, we shouldn't befriend a person just so that we can ask them for gum after an onion-filled lunch. A human has PURPOSE and is ALIVE! I realized after the conversation with the person who I opened up to, that I was using my future husband as merely a means to an end of being afraid of men and being touched.
     You see, I sit inside of my "Single Bubble" (much like a Christian Bubble) and enjoy the lifestyle I live. I never have to answer to a man either in my home life or inter-personal relationships. I've joked before that I'm "Free birdin' it!". It has become so much of a lifestyle choice to not listen to or trust the opposite sex, that I find it hard to listen or believe God because He is well, a "He". But, I don't want to treat the man that will help me and lead me like he's only allowed to do those things because he's my husband.

And so...

Dear whomever you might be, 

Thank you for waiting for me. I know I'm making this assumption, but for however long you've waited for me, whether it be 19 years or 19 days, I love you. I'm so thankful that I will find you when you're seeing God in every little moment of your day. I'm thankful that I will find you while you're loving everyone you meet. I'm thankful that you will open doors for me, and laugh when I trip over the raised frame. I'm excited to take you to the hollow and see all of my crazy family approve of you. I'm excited to help you decorate our future home. I'm excited to choose to love you all of the days of my life. I'm anxious for the moment you get down on your knees to ask me to marry you; and then wash my feet at our wedding. I laugh so hard at the face you make when you see my hair before I "fix" it.  I'm excited for the day that death doesn't part us, because our faith in Christ was parallel to that of Him and the Church. I'm sorry I have for so long treated you like a pawn that would lead me to happiness. I'm sorry that I have for years looked for you, hoping I would never find you. I'm sorry that for our sakes, I didn't trust God to fully acquaintance me to you after I was 18. I'm sorry that I treated you also as an end to me not trusting men. 

Dear future husband, I WILL wait for you, because I love you. With all of my heart, Carma :]