On My Knees

Psalm 34:4-7

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
   he delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant;
   their faces are never covered with shame.

This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
   he saved him out of all his troubles.
 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
   and he delivers them. 

     On the 27th. of December last year I decided that Psalm 34:4-7 would be the verse that I lived my life by this year. I would call upon the LORD daily and have him recognize that I was remembering that my life would reflect the promises of the verses above. I would be fearless. I would be answered. I would be radiant. I would be shameless. I would be heard. I would be saved from my troubles. I would be safe and delivered.  I knew that I would have hope this year in the little boy who came to save all of our lives - Jesus. 

     My faith did not dwindle on Friday, February 10th. at 10:54 am when I recieved a call from Katie Winters via World Changers. By that time, I had realized I would not be chosen for a team this summer. Her call confirmed this. I sat on a tree swing outside for a few minutes and cried. I made a post on my Twitter that stated the promises God had given me for this year and went to help my mom with packing up the yard sale we were having. My mom hugged me and took me out to lunch like the wonderful mommy she is. I didn't want to go to Sunday School that weekend just because I would have to say that my friend Amanda got a place on the "Special Team" and I get to re-apply. I felt a form of shame that I knew was not necessary because the news really didn't bother me past 12 pm on Friday. I can truly say that I was excited to grow from the experience and that my back-up camp would give me one EPIC summer. I can honestly say I trusted God at that moment in time. The next day was Saturday and I was at  Lake Denton Camp helping with a banquet. I learned more about myself and who I had physically become in the hours of serving before, during, and after that event than any other moment of my life. Running around pulling chicken dinners out of a HUGE stove while wearing a sparkly black dress and heels was pure fun (I know, I'm weird). At one point in time after everyone was eating and playing a game I walked up to the sink in my formal attire to do the dishes when I realized I was wearing a dress and heels and probably shouldn't be pouring Clorox! I am amazed that God has changed me from a high-strung little girl who didn't like people (so she hid in the kitchen) to a young lady (paha) who is learning to have compassion and a sense of humor that goes to the sink because she wants to be a servant leader.

    Glory!

  The next week began in straight happiness, but by Wednesday morning I was burnt-out on being happy about paying $300 in training fees to be a camp counselor at the alternate for World Changers. My friend texted me asking what had happened and I told her. She had gotten into her dream school UF that past Friday and my friend Valerie got a job leading an entire FFA camp too! I was trusting God, but I kept having my mind wander to sad territories that made me think, "There's sometheing more to this. I should be radiant! I was fearless! I know God is hearing my cries for strength and to not be disappointed; disappointed in myself!" I walked into my room after thinking sarcastically(sadly), "I traded in my small dreams for HIS EPIC plans! Camp Toccoa is going to be stinkin' EPIC!" I looked at the World Changers "Unhindered" logo on my Jordan Stone Jar and started to frown. A few moments later I heard my phone ring. I saw that it was a 615 number and knew it was LifeWay, but thought it was just another thing I had signed up to get notifications about. I had gotten a similar call only that past Sunday. When that call happened I had thought it was a call saying I was an alternate, but after that happened I knew I didn't have a chance! I answered my phone and there was Katie Winter on the other end, saying that I was alternate #1, I had been chosen to be a part of the Special (Virginia) Team for World Changers this summer. I was on my knees in two seconds flat sobbing and reaching to God silently screaming, "Thank you, Father! Thank you!". 

     I know that I grew much more after I got the phone call saying, "No, sorry." than I would have had that first call been, "Yes, congratulations!." God is indescribable in that way. He knows everything about us and the testimony we can have through just pure faith in his love. I am so thankful that I had a week to realize that God and His glory meant more to me than a simple job ever could! I am trying to pray everyday for the teams this summer as well as those who won't be on teams. God has an exciting story to write through their lives as well, and I can't wait to meet them someday and swap "God Stories". 

To God be ALL the glory!